What You Don't Know Can't Hurt You

What you do know can cripple you. I don't want to know.

In Dreams We Run Away

Eleni Zoe asked the question, What is the purpose of unrequited feelings? I don't know the purpose but I have felt the pain of unrequited love.  They shouldn't be taken lightly.

He spends his whole life being too young,
To live the life that he dreams
And now he lies awake and wonders
Why can't that be me? 


What is the purpose?  They have no purpose.  They are just something else we must struggle with-- the pain, confusion and longing.  We sit alone and wonder why.


If I could be like that
I'd would give anything
Just to live one day
In those shoes.
If I could be like that, what would I do?
What would I do? yeah... Be Like That, Three Doors Down

Fractured

My audience is fractured now.  Some have disappeared, some think I have disappeared, still there are a few who keep up with the private posts.  I do not post as often as before.  The story is the same. Aging man trapped by his addiction toward a tragic young woman.

She is a girl I will never be able to understand, perhaps that is part of her allure.  Perhaps it is the rush I get when I am involved with her.  Perhaps it is the comfort I feel when we are alone in the dark that keeps drawing me back.

I think a new phase of my life will be starting soon.  I hope I am ready for what I am asking for.  It is a challenge that could breath life into me and bring an end to the current malaise Billie has left behind.

Detroit

I read a book over the weekend, Detroit: An American Autopsy by Charlie LeDuff.  The author is an award winning newspaper reporter.  He describes the conditions of our failing city, the crime, corruption, murders, drugs and decay all through a series of connected stories.  I couldn't put it down.  Mostly because I knew these stories.  I travel these streets.  The picture he paints is not uplifting and I think in some spots he has just scratched the surface.

After

I can't get my feet up off the edge
I kinda like the little rush you get
When you're standing close to death
And you're driving me crazy

Hold on as we crash into the earth
A bit of pain will help you suffer when you're hurt, for real
When you're driving me crazy

From your lips, the word's a robbery
Do you grin inside? you're killing me
All along we talked of forever
I kinda think that we won't get better
It's the longest start, the end's not too far away
Did you know? I'm here to stay

We'll stagger home after midnight
Sleep arm in arm in a stairwell
We'll fall apart on the weekend
These nights go on and on and on

I can't get your voice out of my head
All I can hear are many echoes of
The darkest words you said
Well, you're driving me crazy

I can't find the best in all of this
But I'm always looking out for you
Cause you're the one I miss
You were driving me crazy... After Midnight, Blink 182


For those who remember her, Billie has bin up, she's been down-- but mostly down.  She's been here, she's been gone-- mostly gone.  I had to make a choice, jump back on the thrill ride or pack my bags and go home.  It went home.


Billie wants me to watch as she rides without the safety belt, her hands held high in the air and me-- I have a hard time keeping my arms and legs inside the vehicle.

So I went home.  I man should know his limitations.