Tempus Tugit

Think I  have just realized,  I went to bed with a hand full of pills on Sunday afternoon and did not wake up until Tuesday at 8:00 am.,  and I am still stoned.

Help

Someone tell me, how do I when?  How does not calling her giving me any advantage?  He is the one with her.  He is the one saying all the bad things about me.  He is the one making himself look good and me look bad.

Why would she choose me?  Why would she want to come beck to me.?  I am not there to defined myself.   I ca not even call without it possibly being the wrong thin write now.  I still want her back.  What can I do?

Letters Never Sent

Hoping for the best just hoping nothing happens
A thousand clever lines unread on clever napkins
I will never ask if you don't ever tell me 

I fell for you the day we went to Royal Oak and my Half-planned antics went so will.  Just two day ago you said you felt like you new me so well already but we had only met three times.  I didn't run from you during your addiction,  I wrote you letter you card and made you letter.  I had you with you for is month while you tied getting clean on your own.  I watchd as you grow skinnier,  as other guys picked you up to get drugs with you, as you beg me for money.

When you moved in after your second failed rehab I thought we had a chance, tha you had a plan.  But i was a pipe dream on both of our parts.  When I got you to get on Naltroxzone and get rapid detox I had high hope for the relationship we wanted but then the crack got in the way.

And now Steve is in the way.  Every time you get clean there is always something in the way.  No matter what I have done for you.  I become the bad guy.  I have made it possible for you to live, yet I am the bad guy,  I have loved you unconditionally, but I am the bad guy.  I have given you the use of all most everything 

I own yet I am the bad guy.

What have you given me?  What as Steve given you?

She'll destroy us all before she's through
and find a way to blame somebody else
I stay wrecked and jealous for this,
for this simple reason
I just need to keep you in mind
as something larger than life! 

As something larger than life
she'll destroy us all before she's through
and find a way to blame somebody else...Cut With Out The E Taking Back Sunday,

Memento Mori

I will I was a great orator.  I wish I could influence people with my words but I always have believed actions have spoken loader than words.  So even though I listen to what is or isn't said it is their action I watch.

I wish I could tell everyone how I feel.  I wish I didn't always feel all alone.  I wish I could I love all those who love me. 

I wish I save some of her zanax this would be easier. I hope I don't end up in the county insane hospital again, that place sucks,

memento mori

Twisted

I texted LLL this morning:

Bathwather:  If you are the asshole that thinks you deserve her make sure she gets her Naltxsone shot on on Tuesday.

LLL: Asshole?

Bathwater: Yes you been two-faced during this last week.

LLL: You better just loose my number I don't play games.

Bathwater:  Seems the only way for me to get a hold of MAY girlfriend lately.

LLL: I am sorry this happen but I am not letting you get her back.  She is happy here.

Bathwater:  Isn't that for here to decide? No for you to manipulate and she told me we are not over.

LLL. Well maybe you should ask her again.

How do I even have a chance with her living in the same house with him blowing lies in her ear?   The odds are staked against me.  She complains about feeling like a prisoner at my house when I allowed her to do what she wanted.  I let her work when she felt she need to against me better judgement, she could drive my truck any time she need to.  I helped with expenses .  LLL does not have a second car.  Doesn't work except rarely, doesn't allow her to drive his car.  She is dependent on him.

Things are so twisted.