Maintaining

"Did you leave  me any money for gas?"

"No."

"I have got to go out, I might run out of gas."

"Where are you going?"

"I don't know."

"I think you should stay home."

Later, after that short text exchange I get another from Billy, "I ran out of gas."  I find my truck stalled in the middle of the street on the East side of Detroit.  Billy is inside.  We have been exchanging words by phone, it isn't pretty.  I know she was coming back from buying heroin.  My insults, my anger shatter against her Cherise grin.  I don't bother looking for the drugs.  I don't have time to play those games.  I have to buy a gas can, pour enough gas into the tank to get it to a gas station.

"Why do you keep asking me question if you know I am going to lie anyway?"  She says.  "What do you want me to say,  I'll say it to you."

"You don't care about anyone do you?"  I say from outside the car door.  "You know I love you but I hate you," I continue.  I give her a kiss and threaten to smack her.  It is a hopeless battle.  "Drive straight home.  I am going to call Max and make sure you are there."

"Nice have the 8 year old watch me (for the record he is 12)."

She peels out of the gas station leaving me behind. I drive back to work and try to think of alternatives.  I come across a local Quick Detox Program.  One that includes the opium blocking shot as part of the treatment.  The shot will suppress her desire to use and block the effects of the drug if she does.  That is what she has been asking for.  The start the detox every Tuesday.  It takes three days.  I put her on the waiting list for tomorrow after consulting her.

"They put me under?  I am already getting sick."

When I get home I find Billy on the couch in withdrawal.  She seems in bad shape but I am not sure, I don't trust anything at face value, then she gets sick and throws-up in a bucket.  She didn't fake that.  It could take up to two weeks for her to get into the the detox program.  I am forced to make a decision.  I have to allow her to maintain.  I can't talk to her this way.  I am not taking her to the detox center if she doesn't want it.  There is no getting high on the shot and she gets it right away.  The shot blocks all opiates.  This might give her a clean start, a direction to move forward. I know that a standard rehab program did not. 

There will have to be therapists involved, anti- depressants (though I don't like the thought) and her will to change.  This is the last time I can intervene, maintaining is going to make for a long week.