Your Answers

I tell my long time friend Mari, "I've got to go to Toronto for work.  I think they are giving us bonus checks.  I think I'll spend mine there on strippers and whores to forget about all the issues I'm having with my current stripper/whore."

That is not how it goes though.  My Christmas bonus is enough time make up for the money I gave Billy with cash to spare for Christmas.  There really is a Santa Claus.  Twisted though he my be.  I sat inside my hotel room reading the comments from the last post.  I decided they needed a post of their own.

I appreciate everyone who comments.  No one should be afraid to publish their name or state their opinion. 

Ellie "OMG..has she any idea what she's doing to you?"

The simple answer is no, not right now.  There was a time she did. When she was clean and fresh out of rehab, when she was flooded with emotions she didn't know how to deal with, when she cried with her head on my shoulder and warned me not to go out with her say, "Nothing good will come out of it,"  then she knew, then I loved her.

Now she doesn't know.  I have had worse.  I am insulated from the pain.  It still doesn't make it right.

Phoenix  "This is so frustrating to read. I'm sorry I've been away, life has once again been overwhelming (but in a good way), and I was hoping when I came back and visited your blog it would be to read good news about how Billy has her act together."

I am sorry this is so frustrating for you to read.  I have really missed your comments.  It gives me strength to have you looking over my shoulder.  I still have hope that Billy is in a rehab right now.  Her phone is still going straight to voice mail.  That is a good sign.  She hasn't shown up in any obituaries yet.

Lucy- "Oh, I was somewhat expecting that too. Which is quite sad. I really hope she cleans up her act, you deserve happiness." 

Everyone deserves happiness, me, you and Billy.  We don't always get it.  We don't always choose it.  Really, I'm alright though.

Me-"You called it in a previous post. You knew this was going to happen, yet you expose yourself to the pain anyway, the disappointment...."

I know you want the best for me but try to understand this, there wasn't much pain or disappointment.  I was ready for what I would find but I can say, "I was there for you, (for her)."  I kept my word, my promise.  THAT is important. to me. 

Danielle- Sometimes you have to search out the truth, be it painfully or not. She has proven again untrustworthy. You deserve better.

You can not judge her by normal standards.  She is struggling with a lot of difficult forces.  If she came back to me tomorrow straight from some rehab asking to let her start the life we talked about, should I turn my back on her?   No one deserves anything they have got to want it, they have got to work for it.  I don't do either.

Anonymous-  Why do you feel like you have to be the savior of this woman?  I am not asking this to be mean, I really want to know why. You can not save any one that does not want to be saved. She is so addicted. That is how she operates. It does not mean she is bad. She is driven by one thing, one thing only. 

Your question was the most difficult to answer, mostly because of who you are.  I like her.  She makes me happy.  I have seen who she can be.  She didn't always lie to me.  When she was about to go into rehab for the first time, she told me the truth even though she was afraid I would never speak to her again. I'm doing it for selfish reasons, I like being with her and if there is a chance that we can both enjoy being with each other then I am willing to try.